well, this happened last march 13.. the thing that i had asked to happen was made to reality..

i woke up with a message from my bes but ignored it.. then from you, i would’ve ignored that too if not for the message itself..”Ui la kng gngwa db? Gala tau nkkbrng” (13-March-2010 08:28:06).. i felt like my senses all woke up in shock..hahaha.. but i had to go to balanga early due to our case study. and there i saw and talked with my groupmates including my bes. i used to hate him when he leaves me behind, but that day, i wanted him to think that things are just so boring for me. i think that was two pm when you texted me if we’ll go on with our “gala”. so i said yes. we met at the recar mall, you playing farmville(hahaha).. i thought that you wouldn’t agree with my idea of going to bagac.. but then you asked me how much the fare would be. and so, we walked towards the terminal and rode the jeepney to bagac. we talked in the jeepney concerning your past girl friend and those kind of stuff.. we totally had fun while listening to your mp3.. then you let me know what my bes was thinking.. once again lying to me.. he deserved what he got… hehehehe.. then, when we arrived, we walked (quite a long one) towards the resort. there i found abe and kulot.. then they lead me to where mama edna and tito doms are. then, while we were harvesting some vegetables, you suddenly appeared behind me and even got yourself dirty with soil and stuff.. hahahaha..  then, we ate pancit and halo halo with the fajardo family.. and they also treated you like you already belong there. i enjoyed you being there.. and i saw that you had fun, too.. it felt great, to be able to share that part of my world with you.. then we went home.. we waited for my bes at the terminal and went to your farm.. there the two of you drank some vodka while i was watching a japanese series ( boys este).. then, bes decided to sleep early while the two of us kept on watching. then when we too felt sleepy and decided to sleep at the living room.. that was fun.. the two of us again sleeping side by side.. we talked again for a while then finally slept.. then, i just don’t know what his problem is, but my bes suddenly slept between the two of us.. so i decided to sleep at the sofa(where he could’ve slept instead of between us.. hmpffff!!!!)

haai.. i hope that is not the last time we’ll share a moment as intimate as that.. i hope things will continue to grow.. to flow.. to be better.. and better.. until everything falls in their proper places.. hehe..

really, who would have thought that the near impossible had indeed happened.. or is happening!!!

OMG! you know i never really thought that this is happening… i used to think that what’s on my head concerning you will remain in my head.. but then, my imaginations are starting to become real!!! and oh how i wish that this will continue to grow… for us to be closer to the point that you’ll be closer to me than  my best friend. that it’ll be to you that i’ll share things i cant tell him… for the two of us to laugh about how angry i can make him.. and you telling me hideous stories about your past that will make me laugh out loud!. i really want us to be together. and truthfully, right now, it’s your company that i long for… it’s your presence i wanna feel…

hahahaha!!! i really am so happy with you… i guess, if things are right, we’ll be the greatest friends in the world.. i really hope you’ll be with me forever, that eventhough he’s not around, the two of us can still have fun together. the two of us eating, chatting and fooling around, to the point that other people will also smile, seeing how happy the two of us are… happiness radiating from our souls entwined….

“yaan mo sya…tulog na tayo…” Xp

i’ll never forget that moment… that’s more than a mere memory… it’s the source of my hope and happiness… thank you for that day…and i hope, we can have another day like that..or something better…hahaha… i do love your company… things are just starting…you just wait… we’ll be happy together…. =)

so now i am fully setting myself free from all the responsibilities with you… no, you dont need me.. you can go on without me… you’re lying everytime you’re telling me that you can’t see me go… you can and in fact, you are pushing me away… and i’m tired of trying to be good, loving and a martyr… though i know that no matter how many times i say this, i’ll still care, i’ll still long to be with you, to be beside you when things go wrong. but still, all you want to do is to destroy this care and real love i have for you. what shall i do then? continually be blind that all you want to do is be rid of me? then, you’ll get what you want. i’ll leave you alone, just like what you did. i wouldn’t matter now… all those things you’ve said… all those tears that had flown from your dark eyes to your cheeks…

i had been badly burned before, and you healed that but then you slashed me with your own sword… you cry because of a person who seems not to trust you, yet you yourself throw me away, who would’ve done everything to make you feel happy and content… but i guess you just don’t need that… so then, i set myself free from you…

Let me sail let me sail let the Orinoco Flow
Let me reach let me beach on the shores of Tripoli
Let me sail let me sail let me crash upon your shore
Let me reach, let me beach far beyond the Yellow Sea

Deh deh deh deh deh deh
Deh deh deh deh deh deh

Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

From Bissan to Palau in the shade of Avalon
From Fiji to Tiree and the isles of Ebony
From Peru to Cebu feel the power of Babylon
From Bali to Cali far beneath the Coral Sea

Deh deh deh deh deh deh
Deh deh deh deh deh deh

Turn it up turn it up turn it up
Ah-ah-adieu ooh
Turn it up turn it up turn it up
Ah-ah-adieu ooh
Turn it up turn it up turn it up
Ah-ah-adieu ooh

Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

From the North to the South, Ebudae unto Khartoum
From the deep Sea of Clouds to the Island of the Moon
Carry me on the waves to the lands I’ve never been
Carry me on the waves to the lands I’ve never seen

We can sail, with the Orinoco Flow
We can sail we can sail with the Orinoco Flow

We can steer we can near with Rob Dickins at the wheel

We can sigh, say goodbye
Ross and his dependencies
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

We can reach we can beach
On the shores of tripoli
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

From bali to cali far beneath the coral sea
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

From Bissau to Palau
In the shade of Avalon
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

We can reach we can beach far beyond the Yellow Sea
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

From Peru to Cebu
Hear the power of Babylon
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Ahhh aahhh ah
Ahhh aahhh ah
Ahhh

i love enya!!!!!… and her songs are so relaxing… and this song, this gives me a great feeling of wanting freedom! and how great it would be to just go to different places without anyone telling you otherwise…hahahaha!!! i’m truly bored with just being in the same place with the same recurrent problems that gives me headache…. i wanna be free, to be able to reach the places i’ve heard about… to climb mountains wherein i’ll feel the power of Nature, the greatness of her Creator, our Creator! i wanna feel the great splash of the ocean, the burning heat of the golden desert then swim and drink in a crystal blue oasis…oh how i long to feel the warm breeze and rushing wind that would take away every memory of pain and anger and selfishness… and to see with my own eyes, the wonderful world created by the same One Who created me… i dont want to be chained in a single place.. i wanna reach the whole world.. from its deepest secrets of the sea to its highest  unpredictable clouds… i wanna be free and  just be me!!!!… i wanna enter a new era wherein no one, not even the person i love the most can stop me in knowing the greatness of His creation…. a new start..a new beggining….a new “once upon a time…..”

You`re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I`m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you`re beside me and look how far we`ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We`re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let`s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

…this song was introduced to me by pia..and somehow, it makes me calm…makes me feel good.. makes me see through the fog of the present and have a clear view of the future. Weird, eh? well, yeah… let’s just say, i am so clouded these past few weeks.. too many things happened.. too much has changed.. and sadly, i’m just going back to who i was… a really deceiving book.. let’s just say, it’s like this, “so you think you know me?…think again…” hehehe.. i can make people think what i want them to think about me.=)

now, the song… well, i dont have anyone yet to sing that to, but of course, that time will come too. as of now, i am feeling suspended… like i cant go left nor right… forward nor backward.. but someday (i hope, that’s today..) i’ll be able to find where i should go.. just like what jo said, if you dont know where you’re going, stay where you are.

that’s why i’m still here… but i’ll be able to find my way… well, maybe through the help of a simple useful spell…. “POINT ME.”

but the fun/thrill really started in the afternoon. we decided to watch a cockfight… well, the first couple of fights are quick and easy but then there’s this fight wherein one of the participants is a white one and the other one the usual color of dark green to black with copper colored neck… the fight begun and within a few minutes, the white one’s left leg is sort of crushed then it’s color started changing… from white to pink to red… the blood caused that of course and the thing that caused me to feel a great fiery heat somewhere in my body is the way they wont stop the fight unless one was surely dead. and the white/red one is the dead one. its quite brutal yes, but that’s the way of life, make sure you are the only survivor or else the weak might get a chance and kill you. kill or be killed. murder or be murdered. sickening, isn’t it? well, it definitely is.

after that, the other fights are again quick and easy..

wait, i just remembered the feeling of the place.. it’s like a pandemonium. with everyone shouting and making certain signs that mean something to them but not to us. it’s a place to loosen up yes, cause you cant think of your problems when you’re there, all you can think about is the noise, who’ll win and who will die.

at about past five, we went home. that day is really something to remember…some of life’s realities within an arena.

..”hold me and love me. just want to touch you for a minute. baby three seconds is enough for my heart to quit… let’s have some fun, this beat is sick, i wanna take a ride on your disco stick…” -Lovegame

hahaha… love that part…. f*** him…hihihihi… dunno what got to my mind to be that stupid for him. he’s not worth it… now that i know that, we’ll just have this lovegame…hahahaha… im tired of taking things seriously and him seriously…hahah. now, i will be able to focus on the right things..hahaha! i’ll him fall and see what he’d done… then things will be better, for me and for him.=)

i am a very secretive person, only a very few can really know me and they dont stay long in my life, so i guess, it’s better if you just dont expect people to tell very intimate things about me. haha. i dont like talking about myself.. i dont feel comfortable at all. i prefer talking to no one..ah, well, that means opening up to Him. i just dont trust another people, and their promises, and i think so few or no one at all kept their promise. i dont blame them, who am i to them to fulfill their “promise”? but hell, they told me things i thought i should believe in.. and for someone as weak as me, those broken promises really hurts… but that was the past, i am now well and i dont need their promises anymore. there are a lot out there that deserve my trust and i aint gonna break it!

and once again, i could look at their f****** faces and smile… they mean nothing now…hahahah!!! -_-

this is a couple of lines in the song, spent my lifetime loving you, you know, the Zorro song..hihi. i really fell in love in the song even before then and it became some sort of  an emotion song for me. whenever i feel that i find no song for my situation…for what i feel, that song becomes the theme song of my life.hahaha. i am not in love but the song brings me hope of finally being with the White Tulip..hihihi. i guess those who’ve read my previous post (the ice is melting) know something about him. he’s a friend. or if i read differently back then, i could say that he sort of liked me. alright, he expressed special feelings but we were too young back then…hahaha. it has been 3 years and well, let’s just say, things are right right now..hahaha.

well, i’ll be missing things but it doesnt really matter. as a Taurus, they said i am afraid of new things… of changes in my life. but hell, i am stubborn! and i dont like people telling me what i can and cant do! so well, i am goin to prove that i am not totally afraid…or better, i can find a way to face what i fear, whatever that might be…cause you see, i am supposed to be afraid of the “unknown”…so i really dont know what i am frightened of.nyahaha.

so i guess, its really the right time to face what i fear (again, whatever that maybe…) and move forward… forward…forward… and find the White Tulip rather that waiting. hell, i have  a little time left and i dont wanna waste it trying to be well though i am not. i think it’s time to search rather than wait. it’s time to move than rest. and well, who needs rest when time is running up? who needs rest when moving rids the pain? who needs nothing when in the unknown, there is something? (sigh…) yeah, i guess, the right time has come…. finally…. to go and be happy.=)