u juz w8… Wednesday, Jan 13 2010

i cant possibly believe that what i had been thinking and praying and hoping for has finally come true.

really, who would have thought that the near impossible had indeed happened.. or is happening!!!

OMG! you know i never really thought that this is happening… i used to think that what’s on my head concerning you will remain in my head.. but then, my imaginations are starting to become real!!! and oh how i wish that this will continue to grow… for us to be closer to the point that you’ll be closer to me than  my best friend. that it’ll be to you that i’ll share things i cant tell him… for the two of us to laugh about how angry i can make him.. and you telling me hideous stories about your past that will make me laugh out loud!. i really want us to be together. and truthfully, right now, it’s your company that i long for… it’s your presence i wanna feel…

hahahaha!!! i really am so happy with you… i guess, if things are right, we’ll be the greatest friends in the world.. i really hope you’ll be with me forever, that eventhough he’s not around, the two of us can still have fun together. the two of us eating, chatting and fooling around, to the point that other people will also smile, seeing how happy the two of us are… happiness radiating from our souls entwined….

“yaan mo sya…tulog na tayo…” Xp

i’ll never forget that moment… that’s more than a mere memory… it’s the source of my hope and happiness… thank you for that day…and i hope, we can have another day like that..or something better…hahaha… i do love your company… things are just starting…you just wait… we’ll be happy together…. =)

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setting free Thursday, Dec 3 2009

i am not tired of being there for you… but i am tired of being too caring… being too involved in your life.

so now i am fully setting myself free from all the responsibilities with you… no, you dont need me.. you can go on without me… you’re lying everytime you’re telling me that you can’t see me go… you can and in fact, you are pushing me away… and i’m tired of trying to be good, loving and a martyr… though i know that no matter how many times i say this, i’ll still care, i’ll still long to be with you, to be beside you when things go wrong. but still, all you want to do is to destroy this care and real love i have for you. what shall i do then? continually be blind that all you want to do is be rid of me? then, you’ll get what you want. i’ll leave you alone, just like what you did. i wouldn’t matter now… all those things you’ve said… all those tears that had flown from your dark eyes to your cheeks…

i had been badly burned before, and you healed that but then you slashed me with your own sword… you cry because of a person who seems not to trust you, yet you yourself throw me away, who would’ve done everything to make you feel happy and content… but i guess you just don’t need that… so then, i set myself free from you…

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the new era…. Saturday, Nov 28 2009

Enya
Orinoco Flow lyrics

 

Let me sail let me sail let the Orinoco Flow
Let me reach let me beach on the shores of Tripoli
Let me sail let me sail let me crash upon your shore
Let me reach, let me beach far beyond the Yellow Sea

Deh deh deh deh deh deh
Deh deh deh deh deh deh

Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

From Bissan to Palau in the shade of Avalon
From Fiji to Tiree and the isles of Ebony
From Peru to Cebu feel the power of Babylon
From Bali to Cali far beneath the Coral Sea

Deh deh deh deh deh deh
Deh deh deh deh deh deh

Turn it up turn it up turn it up
Ah-ah-adieu ooh
Turn it up turn it up turn it up
Ah-ah-adieu ooh
Turn it up turn it up turn it up
Ah-ah-adieu ooh

Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

From the North to the South, Ebudae unto Khartoum
From the deep Sea of Clouds to the Island of the Moon
Carry me on the waves to the lands I’ve never been
Carry me on the waves to the lands I’ve never seen

We can sail, with the Orinoco Flow
We can sail we can sail with the Orinoco Flow

We can steer we can near with Rob Dickins at the wheel

We can sigh, say goodbye
Ross and his dependencies
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

We can reach we can beach
On the shores of tripoli
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

From bali to cali far beneath the coral sea
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

From Bissau to Palau
In the shade of Avalon
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

We can reach we can beach far beyond the Yellow Sea
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

From Peru to Cebu
Hear the power of Babylon
We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway

We can sail we can sail
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Sailaway sailaway sailaway
Ahhh aahhh ah
Ahhh aahhh ah
Ahhh

 

 

i love enya!!!!!… and her songs are so relaxing… and this song, this gives me a great feeling of wanting freedom! and how great it would be to just go to different places without anyone telling you otherwise…hahahaha!!! i’m truly bored with just being in the same place with the same recurrent problems that gives me headache…. i wanna be free, to be able to reach the places i’ve heard about… to climb mountains wherein i’ll feel the power of Nature, the greatness of her Creator, our Creator! i wanna feel the great splash of the ocean, the burning heat of the golden desert then swim and drink in a crystal blue oasis…oh how i long to feel the warm breeze and rushing wind that would take away every memory of pain and anger and selfishness… and to see with my own eyes, the wonderful world created by the same One Who created me… i dont want to be chained in a single place.. i wanna reach the whole world.. from its deepest secrets of the sea to its highest  unpredictable clouds… i wanna be free and  just be me!!!!… i wanna enter a new era wherein no one, not even the person i love the most can stop me in knowing the greatness of His creation…. a new start..a new beggining….a new “once upon a time…..”

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so close… Wednesday, Nov 18 2009

Jon Mclaughlin
So Close lyrics

You`re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I`m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you`re beside me and look how far we`ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We`re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let`s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

 

…this song was introduced to me by pia..and somehow, it makes me calm…makes me feel good.. makes me see through the fog of the present and have a clear view of the future. Weird, eh? well, yeah… let’s just say, i am so clouded these past few weeks.. too many things happened.. too much has changed.. and sadly, i’m just going back to who i was… a really deceiving book.. let’s just say, it’s like this, “so you think you know me?…think again…” hehehe.. i can make people think what i want them to think about me.=)

 

 

now, the song… well, i dont have anyone yet to sing that to, but of course, that time will come too. as of now, i am feeling suspended… like i cant go left nor right… forward nor backward.. but someday (i hope, that’s today..) i’ll be able to find where i should go.. just like what jo said, if you dont know where you’re going, stay where you are.

 

that’s why i’m still here… but i’ll be able to find my way… well, maybe through the help of a simple useful spell…. “POINT ME.”

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Protected: too much is wrong Monday, Oct 26 2009

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from white to red Monday, Oct 19 2009

it was a seemingly ordinary day to spend with a cow, i went to his workplace(in his invitation) and sort of have a boring morning. then we had lunch together with his dad and other employees there. after that, the flow of people begun…alright, the word “flow” is not that accurate, i guess the phrase “strong current” will be more appropriate. and i really thought that what’s happening is like a game in facebook..hahahaha. people giving money and you have to give tickets and their change the fastest and most accurate way you could. hahaha. and you know, what i’ve seen make me think twice if people really are getting poor..hehehe. there’s money everywhere…haaaai..

but the fun/thrill really started in the afternoon. we decided to watch a cockfight… well, the first couple of fights are quick and easy but then there’s this fight wherein one of the participants is a white one and the other one the usual color of dark green to black with copper colored neck… the fight begun and within a few minutes, the white one’s left leg is sort of crushed then it’s color started changing… from white to pink to red… the blood caused that of course and the thing that caused me to feel a great fiery heat somewhere in my body is the way they wont stop the fight unless one was surely dead. and the white/red one is the dead one. its quite brutal yes, but that’s the way of life, make sure you are the only survivor or else the weak might get a chance and kill you. kill or be killed. murder or be murdered. sickening, isn’t it? well, it definitely is.

after that, the other fights are again quick and easy..

wait, i just remembered the feeling of the place.. it’s like a pandemonium. with everyone shouting and making certain signs that mean something to them but not to us. it’s a place to loosen up yes, cause you cant think of your problems when you’re there, all you can think about is the noise, who’ll win and who will die.

at about past five, we went home. that day is really something to remember…some of life’s realities within an arena.

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blank yet full(Lovegame) Friday, Oct 9 2009

hmm.. i really dont what’s bothering me but i am deeply bothered.haha.

..”hold me and love me. just want to touch you for a minute. baby three seconds is enough for my heart to quit… let’s have some fun, this beat is sick, i wanna take a ride on your disco stick…” -Lovegame

hahaha… love that part…. f*** him…hihihihi… dunno what got to my mind to be that stupid for him. he’s not worth it… now that i know that, we’ll just have this lovegame…hahahaha… im tired of taking things seriously and him seriously…hahah. now, i will be able to focus on the right things..hahaha! i’ll him fall and see what he’d done… then things will be better, for me and for him.=)

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pokerface Thursday, Oct 8 2009

wooh… finally, i achieved something i thought i couldn’t do.. the “pokerface!”. nyahaha.. well, i really cant tell what happened for me to be able to do it, but the thing is, i did it! who the hell says i am an open book? they dont know three-quarters of what i am thinking! and if they knew, well, i dont think they’ll want to know me more nor to spend more time with me. hahahaha!!!

i am a very secretive person, only a very few can really know me and they dont stay long in my life, so i guess, it’s better if you just dont expect people to tell very intimate things about me. haha. i dont like talking about myself.. i dont feel comfortable at all. i prefer talking to no one..ah, well, that means opening up to Him. i just dont trust another people, and their promises, and i think so few or no one at all kept their promise. i dont blame them, who am i to them to fulfill their “promise”? but hell, they told me things i thought i should believe in.. and for someone as weak as me, those broken promises really hurts… but that was the past, i am now well and i dont need their promises anymore. there are a lot out there that deserve my trust and i aint gonna break it!

and once again, i could look at their f****** faces and smile… they mean nothing now…hahahah!!! -_-

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hmm..right time? Tuesday, Oct 6 2009

“though we know..we could never come again…where there is love, life begins….over and over again!!!..”

this is a couple of lines in the song, spent my lifetime loving you, you know, the Zorro song..hihi. i really fell in love in the song even before then and it became some sort of  an emotion song for me. whenever i feel that i find no song for my situation…for what i feel, that song becomes the theme song of my life.hahaha. i am not in love but the song brings me hope of finally being with the White Tulip..hihihi. i guess those who’ve read my previous post (the ice is melting) know something about him. he’s a friend. or if i read differently back then, i could say that he sort of liked me. alright, he expressed special feelings but we were too young back then…hahaha. it has been 3 years and well, let’s just say, things are right right now..hahaha.

well, i’ll be missing things but it doesnt really matter. as a Taurus, they said i am afraid of new things… of changes in my life. but hell, i am stubborn! and i dont like people telling me what i can and cant do! so well, i am goin to prove that i am not totally afraid…or better, i can find a way to face what i fear, whatever that might be…cause you see, i am supposed to be afraid of the “unknown”…so i really dont know what i am frightened of.nyahaha.

so i guess, its really the right time to face what i fear (again, whatever that maybe…) and move forward… forward…forward… and find the White Tulip rather that waiting. hell, i have  a little time left and i dont wanna waste it trying to be well though i am not. i think it’s time to search rather than wait. it’s time to move than rest. and well, who needs rest when time is running up? who needs rest when moving rids the pain? who needs nothing when in the unknown, there is something? (sigh…) yeah, i guess, the right time has come…. finally…. to go and be happy.=)

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the ice is melting Wednesday, Sep 30 2009

i had been blinded these past few weeks with something i’d rather not name. and i had done a lot of wrong things because of it. but now, i’m beginning to see the right way and starting to move on.

i had been stuck in a time where i thought i was happy. i thought i had everyhting i need. and i thought it would last. but of course, i’m wrong. totally and ridiculously wrong. it ended so suddenly i didnt believe it was really ending. but things happen for a reason, and i know something is coming. i can feel it.

i am happy right now, for i can at last break free from something i want and crave for. at least, i can feel less pain. and when things are finally done and finished, i am fully healed and capable to continue with the path meant for me.

i had been wrong most of my life, but in this case, if things end, it wont be my fault and my lost, it’ll be fully his and his alone.

i never thought i am capable of letting go while things are still good, but good things dont last, i finally learned that. and when this good thing end, i maybe on the verge of finding another good one, or maybe a better one.haha.

well, i will be happy. someday, the White Tulip will be back into my life and forever take care of me.=)

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